A few years ago, as my eldest granddaughter’s 16th birthday neared, I began reflecting upon what I remembered about turning sixteen. This musing took on a life of its own and morphed into a project of putting together a special binder which contained, among other things, wedding photos and a little history of both my grandparents and parents, our wedding photo and a photo collage of events special to my husband and myself. I also included a photo collage of adventures we had shared with our granddaughter, a few of my baby photos and a photo taken on my sixteenth birthday, as well as the following letter I have decided to share.
Happy 16th Michelle
As you celebrate your 16th birthday, I hope my letter and the way it has been packaged will become a keepsake for you. I did a little research on the significance of 16th birthdays and here is what came up.
“In the past time, a girl’s 16th birthday represented her passage from childhood to womanhood. Of course those were the days when girls were getting married, having babies, and taking care of their homes at 16.”
“It is considered the young person’s transition into adulthood, and many girls and boys take the event very seriously. For American teenagers, turning sixteen is especially important because it is at this age that they are able to get their driver’s licenses. Receiving the privilege to drive is often a time of great excitement for teens, which makes the 16th birthday all the more exciting and important.” Dare I assume this is similar for Canadian teenagers as well?
Perhaps there will be an opportunity for you to share the plans you made to celebrate this birthday and how all the planning turned out.
Your grandmother finds herself wondering about the dreams, goals, activities and special friendships that fill your life with meaning. I wonder too about the challenges, fears, uncertainties and disappointments my granddaughter may be carrying. All of the above to a lesser or greater degree have a part in paving your journey into adulthood.
I find myself thinking back to when I turned 16. Hard to believe that was almost fifty years ago! My main focus then was definitely on academic achievement. I enjoyed school and set my sights on attending University. I remember being very interested in psychology. I began reading Freud about this time and thought of becoming a psychiatrist, often joking about the abundance of people to scrutinize within my family! Activities like track and field, volleyball, music and debating club were important.
Reading was a passion and still is. I remember reading steamy romance novels like Peyton Place … the ones it was wise to hide when Mom happened to come into the room! Do you remember how shocked your Dad was or pretended to be when he learned that I had introduced you to Jane Auel’s Earth Children series? By the way, you should be receiving her latest book, The Land of the Painted Caves very soon.
On my 16th birthday, I remember wearing a new outfit, royal blue stretch pants complimented by a cream colored school blazer with shades of blue piping trim. I had a date – my first serious romance that would last four years. We went roller skating at the arena with a small group of friends. My roller skating had always been on the sidewalks where I practiced jumps, turns and racing down hills. I was in for a shock when I realized I wasn’t familiar with using the toe stopper on the skate. My sidewalk rollers didn’t possess such a thing! With sideboards fast approaching, I saw no alternative but to break speed by sitting! Big mistake! Both pride and bum were bruised not to mention those new stretch pants!
I think of my Ukrainian Grandmother, Pauline Holowachuk, who started school at age seven. She was unable to go to school in the winter because her family couldn’t afford snow boots. She managed to complete Grade 3 by just going to school in the summer. At the age of 14, she stayed home helping her mother. Most of her time though was spent with her Dad in his Blacksmith Shop. Apparently she was a better helper than her brothers!
As you can see, the skills she acquired were a preparation for her marriage in 1922 at the age of 15 to my grandfather, Nicolas. His family immigrated to Canada from Tarnapol, Poland in 1906. They lived in Ketchun, Saskatchewan. By the time my Grandma was 17, she already had given birth to two of her five children. She and my Grandfather were some of the early pioneers who left Ketchun and homesteaded in Chelan, Saskatchewan. My mother Anne was her eldest child.
My Grandmother Balbina Sadlocha was born at Zmnowoda, Poland February 27th in either 1879 or 1880. She was my Dad’s mother. We called her Babcia which is Polish for grandmother. Rumor had it that Jose her father had buried his money and it was never known to be found!
She married my grandfather Stanislaw in February 14, 1900 or 1901 in the village of Zimnowoda in a small Catholic church. It is interesting to note that I was married February 14th, 1970. They lived in Dobra with Stanislaw’s family where four of their eight children were born. Two died in infancy.
Stanislaw worked for the owner of a large estate, supervising the agricultural endeavors. Neither Stanislaw nor Balbina had any formal schooling. This part of Poland was under Russian control. The Tsar had decreed that there were to be no Polish schools, no teaching of Polish people. Stanislaw did have tutoring. The owners took it upon themselves to teach him reading and writing, even though it was against the law. They strongly urged him to take his young family to North America, believing there would be a big war in Europe.
Although he had no family in the ‘New World’, Stanislaw left for North America in 1906, landing in Baltimore, Maryland. He apparently made use of Balbina’s dowry money to do so. Stanislaw basically arrived with ‘just the clothes on his back’. Nothing is known as to how he came to settle in Oshawa. He worked at the Ontario Malleable Iron Works. Stanislaw sent money to support his family in Poland while saving for their immigration to Canada. His young family journeyed from Poland to Antwerp and on to England by boat. They departed for Canada on Christmas Eve 1907, landing at Montreal on the Feast of the Epiphany, January,6th 1908. They then traveled to Oshawa. At the age of 27, my Babcia arrived with a couple of pillows, a down feather duvet and two young children, Julianna and her younger sister Manya.
When my Babcia died at 82, I was 16 years old. My family had lived in her home with her. Grandma Pauline died in her early nineties. I was about 56 at that time. As a youngster, I wrote letters and phoned but rarely saw her.
I regret now that I had not been more curious about their lives. Imagine the inspiring stories both these strong, resilient women would have shared if I had only thought to ask.
Michelle, you have been blessed with three grandmothers. Each one of us expresses love for you in different ways. We all have our unique gifts waiting to be shared. Will you, I wonder, be curious enough to discover just what those gifts are?
I still remember how overcome with joy I was, learning from your mother that I was a grandmother. What a gift it was to re-connect with my daughter and to learn that I had a granddaughter as well.
As you approach adulthood, life will become more driven and shaped by expectations, commitments and responsibilities, to name a few. This is the task of the first part of life. It can be exciting, meaningful, fulfilling and challenging.
Your young life is presently full of hopes and dreams. For now, the second half of life is off your radar screen. It is a mystery yet to be revealed. Foundations you lay in this half of your life will influence you in ways you least suspect. My life at 66 is still exciting and full of hopes and dreams.
One of the hopes I have for you, Michelle, actually for all young people, is that over time you will learn to cultivate a sacred space within … a space that is both calming and peaceful … a space which affirms you are unconditionally loved … a space that gives refuge from the busyness of your life … a space that nourishes your soul. … a space that connects you to your creator and links you with all that is. Perhaps you have already begun to cultivate that space.
May your Angels be your watchful and joyful guardians.
As Always Hugs and Much Love
Grandma Jule
By Jule Briese (aka Ms Butterfly)
Richard Rohr talks about ‘loving both halves of life” and how the first half of our life prepares us for the second half of life. During the first half of life, my choice to enter the teaching profession resulted in becoming a life long learner. This has created wonderful opportunities to serve in meaningful ways and to develop a variety of skills and discover new interests.
The second stage of my life continues to deepen and expand these skills and interests. Tranquil Shores Facilitation is now my way of reaching out to the community, offering Nurturing Workshops in the areas of Inner Growth, Finding Balance, Restorative Communication and Healing Retreats for women who put their infants up for adoption.
My belief in the power of energy to heal continues to be nurtured through energy courses and offering energy based healing sessions as well as volunteering in self care at Oceanside Hospice. I am presently taking courses from the Centre for Transition and Loss located in Fort Collins, Colorado, with the goal of completing the Death and Grief Studies Certificate. This certificate will hopefully create opportunities in the future of companioning those along their journey in grief and mourning.
The words of the mystic Meister Eckhart resonated for me when he wrote “Where shall we begin? Begin with the heart. For the spring of life arises from the heart and from there it runs in a circular manner.”
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