Be the change we want to see, see the change we want to be …

“So, what’s so controversial about compassion anyway?” That’s what six Island women of all ages and stages asked each other as they chatted over a pot of tea last week. Compassion? Isn’t that just humans behaving well? Our tacit understanding of what makes society tick? The Golden Rule? We agreed compassion was obvious, but not easy. We also agreed that the world works better when everyone treats their neighbour the way they want to be treated themselves. “How could anyone disagree with that?” we said.

Edith shared her story as she stirred her tea. Last month she had proposed to the Mayor and Town Council of Qualicum Beach that it send a message to the community that it was going to encourage compassionate action as the way to be a better town. She had told the counsellors that cities around the world are doing it too, London, Whitehorse, Vancouver being examples of three she knew of in Canada. She suggested that Oceanside could be an Island leader. She tabled before Council the commitment document that the other cities are using, called the Charter for Compassion.

“Uh oh”, Janet said, warming her hands on her cup, “Commitment? There’s trouble!” Edith nodded. “Yep, there sure was”. With giggles and some spicy language, she told us how the Mayor and Counselors had debated the pros and cons of being a compassionate town and then voted it down. “Can’t work here. Thanks for sharing. Next item!” she said, thumping the table. “Were you angry?”, asked Florence. “I would have been livid”. Edith told us she was suspicious that her reputation around town as “churchy” had done her in. Lynne raised her eyebrows. “So, you mean your faith was your stumbling block?”, she asked. There was a flurry of fussing around the table and “how stupid is that?” but in the end, with a little smile, Edith concluded, “Well, I bombed”.

Brows furrowed. Lips pursed. Eyes squinted in thought. But not for long. We began to do what women all over tend to do when faced with a problem to solve. We congratulated Edith for sticking her neck out. Then we challenged her to try again. We reminded her that she was the powerhouse who launched SOS decades ago. “You didn’t take no for an answer then, did you?” asked Trish. “What’s SOS?” Teresa piped up in her Kiwi lilt. New to the community, young and energetic, Teresa is full of curiosity about how things work around here. “SOS?” Trish said, “It’s only the best known service organisation on the whole Island! ” and Janet added, “It’s compassion central in Oceanside”. Lynne summed it all up in her mellow South African accent…” yep, SOS is caring in action around here”.

Edith studied her hands, then said, “Caring in action? That’s what my mother used to say. The most compassionate woman that ever lived, but she never used that word.” She refilled her tea cup. “All she ever said was that we kids better always take care to be caring.” Teresa looked around the group and said, “Well, then, maybe that’s the trick. We need to change the language”. She talked about tweets, simple to the point messages, shared widely online that sometimes went viral. Seeing the bemused looks from the wrinkled faces around her, she added, … “you know, when everyone starts talking about it”. There were more raised eyebrows. “My age group twitters, what does your age group do?” she asked. Florence suggested that her age group works in face to face groups and uses examples as models. She told us how the Governor General had stated his goal for Canada in a two word motto. Smart and Caring. “That could be a model, couldn’t it?” We all agreed. “Right on, especially the caring part!”

So our tea party stopped gossiping and grouching about what wasn’t happening in Qualicum Beach and began instead to swap ideas. Our mood shifted. There was energy. We were creative. We were having fun. Everyone had an inspiration or two about building awareness of compassion in schools, artist communities, non-profits, civic organizations and yes, even churches. Lynne wondered if we should also notice and challenge uncaring behaviour, to build awareness about that too. We all agreed that it made sense to learn from the shadow side of things.

The pot of tea was dry now and the café’s open sign said closed. It was time to move along. But we were excited by our hour together. Janet passed her book called Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life to Florence. “It’s a great read”, she told her. Trish said there were monthly study groups happening in the two civic centers of Parksville and Qualicum Beach. “They are tackling one big idea at a time”, she said as she described the gatherings. Florence asked if she could go and Trish assured her the discussions were open to all. Florence invited us to her kitchen next time. We hugged as we parted.

What happened here? We know about trying to be the change we want to see. But, in just an hour we explored something else. Something more proactive. Could we also see the change we want to be?

For more information about the Charter for Compassion, and action to bring it to life in Oceanside, call A. Twiddy at (250) 248-3114, or email him at atwiddy99@gmail.com.

 … a story of Island women by Janet Dunnett

Janet Dunnett has lived in Qualicum Beach since she retired from the Federal Government seven years ago. Now she likes to write and have tea with friends, often talking to them about how to create a better world.

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