Cathy Sakiyama

BFFs in our 50s?

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Cathy Sakiyama is a Professional Affiliate of the Psychologists’ Association of Alberta. Over time she has focused on counseling women and has found that current issues often relate back to families of origin. She has training in personality framework, healing through prayer counseling, and the remarkable design of the nervous system. She enjoys speaking on topics related to emotional healing and continues to be grateful for the privilege of witnessing healing in her clients. She and her husband live in Saanichton, BC and have two adult children pursuing education and careers in other provinces.

The upside of having old magazines kicking around is that they have lists of recommended books that do not have 127 holds at the library. My recent discovery was Zaslow’s non-fiction “The Girls from Ames”. Only a few pages in I was immediately intrigued: Eleven girls grew up in Ames, Iowa and although all have moved away, they still get together every year to share joys and sorrows. At the time of the 2009 release, they were in their 40s. I had already been thinking of writing an article about the friendships of women so the premise of this sounded interesting.  As I got further into the introduction though, I realized I was experiencing a bit of an internal clutch.  I stopped reading, wondering what this feeling was, and then it struck me: I was jealous.  There were pictures of them at their graduation and subsequent reunions and I envied them having been able to share together in these milestones.

At 52 I know that even the words ‘high school reunion’ can strike terror into the hearts of otherwise self-assured individuals. My bet is that the most realistic attitude may involve both eagerness and dread but unfortunately I never had a chance to find out what my own experience would be.  Our family moved   between my grade 12 and grade 13 school years, so I missed graduating with my friends, and I moved from Ontario at 23 so I also did not attend the reunions that followed.  My resurfaced disappointment as I read the opening pages of “The Girls from Ames” was about missing those gatherings.

As I got further into the book, however, it began to dawn on me that it’s the connections that make or break the events.  Once my sentimental head cloud had moved off I began to remember more clearly that my public school years were not great for me in the heart connection department;  the graduation and reunions might have been more disorienting than life-giving to me.  The gatherings are precarious without the glue of relationships.

The Iowa girls have been blessed to have shared both the events AND the relationships but this isn’t necessarily something to covet if we too have rich connections now.  And, as this biography confirms, these connections aren’t wholly dependent on geography. What does it take for long distance friendships to survive?  What gets in the way of friendships with local friends? What are the deal breakers and what are the qualities we can’t live without?  My suspicion is that the qualities we desire are ones we want in all relationships: integrity, honesty, well-timed humour.

Women are incredible, unique in so many ways, but maybe what is important in our relationships is essential in other relationships as well.  And is it possible that these qualities are not dependent on the length of time we have known another or the distance we live from each other, but in the depth and breadth of how much we are willing to invest in current friends?

If this article triggers any thoughts/emotions, we would love to hear them. We will not print any identifiers so please share as openly as you would like.  We are in this together as Island women.

 

Cathy Sakiyama, M.Ed.
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