The world puts things into little boxes. Little boxes with labels; sorted by usefulness or normalcy so that it’s easy to understand what is going around us. These boxes compartmentalize the world into digestible packages; framing what we know, who we are and how we interact with the world. Boxes, categories, classes, they all mean one thing; a limitation on our potential, our self and our connection to the world around us.
In my life, growing up on Vancouver Island, going to school in Burnaby and returning as a small business owner to Central Vancouver Island, I have never had much success fitting into these boxes. The labels affixed to me as a child, thrown at me as a youth and that follow me as an adult, limit my ability to define success and be happy.
I grew up in Nanoose Bay, daughter of two amazing parents who nurtured independence in their daughters and, though it troubled them at times, did their best to foster the uniqueness in my sister and myself. I can easily say that I knew who I was at a very young age, but that did not make life easy. Strangers often thought I was a boy because I hated how long hair felt on my neck, wanted to wear cargo shorts, and enjoyed catching frogs. People chuckled at my antics as a child, but as I grew into a youth, they became less accepting and more judgemental of my unwillingness to fit the young lady mould.
I have always been very outspoken, so I won’t go so far as to say I was bullied. I think everyone was a little fearful of my wrath if they outwardly mocked me. But it is fair to say that I was judged, and I knew it.
I started actively trying to meet peoples’ expectations of me. I tried acting like a lady and tried to achieve goals set by other people around sports, academics, social life and more. I was extremely unhappy. I had anxiety, low self-esteem, and in general, I didn’t feel very positive about the world around me.
It wasn’t until I was away at school, learning social theory and taking the time to evaluate my own mental health, that I came to terms with how unhappy I had been trying to achieve goals set by other people. I looked at my life and realized I wasn’t doing much to make myself happy, but I was doing a whole bunch to try and fit into the world’s little boxes. It took a serious mental shift and the support of a few key individuals for me to throw these categories and labels out of the window.
The world puts things into little boxes. It makes stereotypes, sets beauty standards and oversimplifies individuals. In today’s North American capitalist success model, you are happy when you fit in, when you have accumulated wealth and when you have used individualism to shred a spot for yourself in fame or reputation.
Well I disagree. I disagree that we need to achieve these goals to be happy. I disagree that you need to give one ounce of energy to any goal you haven’t set yourself, or that doesn’t give you a sense of well being, connectedness and self-esteem.
I am extremely happy now. My goals are to have a work-life balance that lets me travel on weekends, to be fit enough to play tennis, and to have enough money to buy good steaks or go see a movie once a week. I am happy because I set my own professional and personal goals based on what I know about myself.
In my work as a Public Engagement Specialist, I tell businesspeople that to have impact in business, they must be authentic. This is true. In order to do good business, you must put a part of yourself out in the world that is accurate, exceptional and truly you. The same goes for your personal world. To live one moment as an inauthentic you is time wasted.
My advice, to anyone who will listen, is to disregard the goals set for you because of the little boxes you have been put in. Dismantle the stereotypes that may or may not be influencing your decisions (either about yourself or others), set your own standards of success and really sit with the idea of a world without pressures and expectations to be someone you aren’t. Be the authentic you and live freely without little boxes telling you what to do.
Lea Silver
Public Engagement Specialist
Roar Public Speaking
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Lea Silver is the Owner and Operator of Roar Public Engagement and Speaking, offering small businesses engagement expertise and impactful representation at all public events. Lea grew up in Parksville and went to school at Simon Fraser University, graduating with a BA in Communication and Dialogue with distinction. Back on the island now as a small business owner, Lea gardens, plays tennis, walks her angry Miniature Pincher, Pickle, and spends as much time outside enjoying our beautiful Island as possible.
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