A few years back, a dear friend and I often commented on the ongoing construction of two care facilities in Parksville and Qualicum Beach, most often expressing our vehement desires to end up any place but …

Fate was not listening though, and since a severe stroke, my dear friend has been a resident in one of these buildings for five years. I, on the other hand, have been a constant visitor to the facility, and though I most dearly cherish my health and freedom, I now appreciate the gap these facilities fill; the link between self-sufficiency and dependence in our community; and yes, the opportunities they present.

These opportunities are by no means limited to the care and services provided for the residents. There are definite benefits there for family members, friends, and volunteers. These benefits and opportunities are not apparent at first glance. It takes time, observation, empathy, and acceptance.

Some of us find it almost unbearable to be in the presence of those who’ve been stricken by stroke, heart attack, disease, or simply the failings of advanced age. Unfortunately for some residents, their friends and dear ones may even shun visiting.

Is it because of the too-prevalent appearance of what we may see as decay? Is it because too often we shudder to visualize ourselves in such a setting? Reactions are mixed. Admittedly it’s not an easy situation to accept, nor is it easy to overcome our aversions and start to recognize the glimmerings of acceptance, understanding, and opportunities.

By opportunities, I mean opportunities for us as well as the residents, for any chance we take to make life better for them is bound to rub off on us; to let us see them in a different light, and to find ourselves enlightened as well.

To borrow a bit from Milton: “They also serve who only stand (sit, lie, struggle, endure,) and wait”.

Once we’ve adjusted to these residents’ lifestyles, the largest serving they give us is one of patience; appreciation for the patience inflicted upon them and the patience developing in us. It’s a wonderful experience to listen to one explaining, or requesting, or telling a joke, and be able to wait calmly and pleasantly while their synapses search for and provide the word they want to say.

They serve us, too, in letting us provide small services to them and leaving us with a sense of satisfaction, of having helped. Straighten a pillow, provide a sweater, bring a drink of water, read a book, throw out a topic of conversation, talk it over … and most of all listen!

Without knowing it, they remind us, reassure us, as the old song said, that “little things mean a lot”. Learning a name and using it with a smile to say “Hello” or “Good Morning” or “You’ve just had your hair done”. Noticing and commenting on a bright new tie; observing how the colour of a sweater complements one’s appearance; asking one’s plans for the day. Maybe most important, stopping to take a hand, gently pat a shoulder, and add a few words of greeting.

Be ready for a warmer heart when they look and smile and realize that they’ve been seen, when they realize they matter in their, and another’s world.

And something else we’re served … big helpings of admiration for the men and women who care for our loved ones, our friends, and all the other residents in our facilities; the nurses, the care attendants we call “aides”, the cooks, the housekeepers. These are people for whom we need to be thankful, for it may be that we would not devote ourselves to their jobs – even for ones we love; jobs that can be tedious, tiring, and often downright unpleasant. But for the most part these people smile, they listen to us and our grumbles, they help us when they can, and they carry on, perhaps under conditions not perfectly to their liking.

All the people who are part of these facilities, residents or employees, are serving us, helping us learn to accept things as they are now, and perhaps to admit to acceptance of situations that may face us in the future.

And if you’d like to be served, perhaps you would like to try volunteering at such a facility. Check out the opportunities.

Nancy Whelan
Email Nancy Whelan

See all articles by Nancy Whelan