Recently a speaker asked his audience to consider what it would be like if all of our ‘what ifs’ came true. I took a few moments to imagine fantastic ‘the sky is the limit’ possibilities, and then he continued: “I’m sure a lot of you are thankful that your dreaded ‘what ifs’ don’t often happen”.  I was astounded to discover that the general consensus seemed to be dread, not hope. 

‘What if’ is a frightening thought for many. And it got me thinking. I thought back to the story of Air Florida Flight 90 crashing into the Potomac River in January 1982. The passengers who survived the actual crash were still in danger of freezing to death in the water. They had no sense of when or even if they would be rescued, no idea whether anyone even knew they were there. This terror changed to hope when Roger Olian jumped into the river, fully clothed but tethered by dozens of scarves tied together, and swam out as close as possible to the survivors. He could not personally rescue them but what he did do when he got in the water was to shout them a message: “Hang on! Someone’s coming. Don’t give up.” It’s a simple line.  A lifeline, really.  Someone’s coming.  You may be in danger now but help is on the way.

Our bodies relax, we take a deeper breath, our nervous system kicks down to a different code.  Someone’s coming. But what if we hear this statement differently? What if we hear it through a sieve of fear and alarm? What if it is whispered to us in a voice of panic as we are hiding in a dark place: ‘someone’s coming!’.  It has a completely different tone and a completely different visceral response. We are terrified, not consoled.  As a common theme in many horror movies, it is every babysitter’s nightmare.

It seems that we might live our lives primarily in one of these two stances: hope or dread, trust or fear. We read others as friend or foe, comrade or ‘charlie’.  And it is not just our internal response that is affected. There is a domino effect that kicks in as we respond verbally, or with subtle bodily cues that are picked up on by others as being friendly or on edge.  And so it goes.

We lose out on otherwise positive connections; others lose out because there is more to us than our fears, as well-founded as we may have perceived them to be initially. Roger Olian ended up receiving the Coastguard’s Gold Lifesaving Medal because he saved lives by offering hope.

Imagine the joy and honor of being the one who communicates reassurance. Imagine being the one to receive such a message. There are times to let down our guard and take the risk that allow us to be hopeful again, even just a bit. What’s our stance? It could be worth exploring.  

Cathy Sakiyama, M.Ed.
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