Last month, we discussed the primary areas to consider when aging parents are on the cusp of needing some support to remain independent and safe at home. These included discussing expectations, managing at home, identifying additional services, future health wishes, finances, and of course, happiness.
In this edition, we will take a deeper dive into the family preparations for upcoming care needs for aging parents. These are not necessarily your parents’ need to prepare, but as you will eventually find out either way, what you need to do as their son or daughter to prepare. And trust me – caring for an elderly parent is something you DO NOT want to be unprepared for! We see it often and it makes for a VERY hectic time. Stressful!
You can greatly reduce the stress by preparing in the following ways:
What kind of care is expected?
• Short term – is the current need only for housekeeping and meal preparation, with keeping an eye on other things like medication compliance?
• Medium term – will family members continue to provide housekeeping and homemaking, as well as assist with personal care such as a shower? Or will outside assistance with care be sought?
• Long term – is the care going to continue in the home for as long as possible? Does your parent (or parents) want to transition through death at home?
• What types of health conditions run in your family? Dementia? Heart disease? How will that impact care planning? For example, if dementia or age related memory loss runs in the family, it is a great idea to introduce a caregiver to your parent early on so that when the condition progresses your parent is already comfortable with the idea of a caregiver. It is oftentimes very difficult to introduce a caring stranger at a later stage.
Which family members will be involved in the care? What roles? Is it clearly defined and discussed?
• In our experience, family members (daughters and sons) need to have the discussion early on about who will fill what role. Interestingly, what we’ve typically seen is that the daughters take on the role of arranging care and overseeing it, and sons help out with more of the financial/administrative end. Not all families need to follow this formula though.
• Discuss who would be the primary person to act as the single point of contact for outside agencies and organizations. This helps a great deal to keep communication organized within the family and when dealing with different organizations (e.g. VIHA home support, private care, physician, pharmacist, financial planners, lawyers, etc). It can be shared amongst family members, but with the consistency of who is the contact for which organization.
• How will family members who live out of town best be able to contribute and help out? Every family member has a responsibility and a role they can play.
• When parents’ health declines and the roles become more difficult, ensure communication stays clear and calm.
As you can see, there are many things to consider when an aging parent is on the cusp of requiring additional help to remain independent and safe at home. Ensure that family discussions happen sooner rather than later. Keep the conversation positive at all times and don’t be afraid to be the person who ‘steps up’ to lead the conversation and planning. Respectful delegation will be key to avoid stress and burnout.
Next time we will tackle the next logical question: ‘What if my parent(s) decline outside help and only want me?’
Tawnya and Chris Wilkinson
Nurse Next Door
Home Care Services
250-748-4357
Nurse Next Door
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